Building a good correction routine...

Here is a great article I received today and wanted to pass it along to all of you. Hope this is encouraging and helpful in our roles as parents:

Parenting Tip - February 14, 2008

Anger Confuses Correction
A good correction routine teaches children that they must change. Their current course of action will not work. It's unacceptable and needs adjusting. Unfortunately the clear message that the child has a problem and needs to work on it is sometimes missed because of parental anger. A parent's harshness can confuse the learning process. Instead of thinking, "I'm here taking a Break (a time out near you, where you can see them and hear them...not in their room) because I did something wrong," the child thinks, "I'm here taking a Break because I made Mom mad."

The child's focus changes from correcting what he or she did wrong to avoiding parental anger. A break is meant to bring about a HEART change! It's a time out for the Holy Spirit to work in our child's heart. It's important to remember that your anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them. When you're tempted to respond harshly, be careful to take a moment and think about what you need to teach in the situation. It's easy to react with anger when your kids do the wrong thing but it's more helpful to move into a constructive correction routine.

For example, Dad yells, "I've had it! I called you five times and you didn't come, so I'm not taking you to the party!" The child gets a mixed message. Is missing the party the consequence for not coming when called, or is it the consequence for making Dad angry?

Children who grow up with explosive parents learn to focus more on pleasing people than on living with convictions about right and wrong. They may learn to make changes in life, but not because they're determined to do what's right. Rather, they make changes to avoid upsetting people; they become people pleasers or just plain sneaky. Kids then believe that what they did was okay as long as Mom or Dad didn't find out. As long as no one gets angry, then there's no problem.

When you make a mistake and correct in anger, it's important to come back to your child and talk about it afterwards. Clarify what was wrong, why the consequence was given, and apologize for your harshness.

For more on correcting children, read chapter four in the book, "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids,” by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. For more information about building a strong and effective correction routine in your family consider the Heart Work Training Manuals and CDs. These manuals are used for in-depth training of parents both for individual study and also for mentoring others. You can learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Overflow

Have you had a difficult day, month, or even last year?

I sure have. :)

If so, then I hope you would take a moment to read this letter sent out by our mentor from the Keepers of the Home Group, Lori Gammon:

Dear friends,

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 "Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

2 Cor. 1:7-10 "And our hope for you is FIRM because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On HIM we have SET OUR HOPE, that HE will continue to deliver us..."

As I read through God's Word each morning I see sweet, sweet promises of God, I see sins that he wants me to avoid, I see new and more wonderful things about Jesus, I see promises that he makes me that I can cling to in my times of trouble and adversity.

Today's verses are sooo precious to me! Christ's sufferings will be allowed to "flow" into my life. I kind of wish at times that this said "trickle"...but it says "flow" and that does not mean once in a great while...it means pretty steady, at least from what he's allowed in my life! I'm sure many of you know what I mean! :-) I know that I used to say "I can't wait till this hard thing is over!" whatever that hard thing was. But, what I didn't realize is that it will be a "flow" of suffering and trials and adversities. Thankfully it doesn't say "flood!" Although there have been times when it's definitely felt like a "flood!" But I love the next few parts of these verses. Just as suffering flows into our lives, so also through Christ, does our comfort OVERFLOW! I love the words God uses...he allows suffering to flow...but his comfort to OVERFLOW! He more than makes us able in our weakness, to endure by his strength!

You will not experience the fullness of God until you have experienced him in deep, deep trials and hardships and suffering! No hole is so deep that our God is not deeper still! Corrie Ten Boom shared this long ago! God does not send the one without the other. God does not send suffering, without sending an overflow of comfort for us. BUT, we need to look to him and fix our eyes upon him and our thoughts upon him in the MIDST of trials and suffering to receive the outpouring of his grace, love, and comfort! We can wrongly choose to become bitter and resentful in the midst of the trials and doubt the goodness and faithfulness and love of God OR we can choose to believe his Word and believe his character and FIRMLY KNOW and be CONVINCED that God is who he says he is and that he will do what he says he will do....and RECEIVE the outpouring of his love, grace and comfort that he desires to give us! We need only turn to him, humble ourselves before him and reach out and RECEIVE his comfort!

Sometimes we all experience difficult times in our lives that leave us feeling that it is beyond our ability to endure! Paul did too! BUT what we need to purpose to remember is that these trials and sufferings and persecutions and adversities happen in our lives....why? So that we might not rely on ourselves, but instead that we would learn to choose to rely on God instead! It is ONLY as we SET our HOPE on HIM that we will continue to see our character grown, our faith grown and our spiritual maturity grown and that we will experience deeper intimacy with Christ! We all want character, we all want to be more godly and more spiritually mature....how does this happen in our lives? From coming under the Lord and allowing him to have his way in us and in our lives! From allowing him to send us not only blessings, but suffering as well! And He is faithful...with suffering also comes comfort...the comfort of knowing God and knowing his principles and seeing the truth of his Word come to life. We gain comfort from his love, his faithfulness, his grace and his mercy.

These times in our lives are not meant to hurt us but to redirect us and to strengthen us through Christ that he will continue to deliver us from ourselves and our sin and our flesh...to purify us for Himself and to make us more like Jesus!

So if today is especially difficult or hard....look up and remember that this thing, this circumstance, this situation...has come so that you would not rely upon yourself...but instead that you would yield to God and to choose to set your hope on Christ who is seeking to continue to work in you and set you apart and to work out his good pleasing will in your life, redeeming you and sanctifying you and transforming you....in order to bless you and do good to you and draw you ever closer to Him! Allow him to comfort you as only He can! "

Hope this has been a blessing and a source of encouragement!

"Stinkin Thinkin!" - Part 4 with Chart

HANDY LITTLE CHART
Wrong, unbiblical thinking vs. God's truth from his Word:

You say: "It's impossible"	God says: All things are possible	(Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired"	God says: I will give you rest	(Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"	God says: I love you	John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )
You say: "I can't go on"	God says: My grace is sufficient	(II Corinthians 12:9 Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"	God says: I will direct your steps	(Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: "I can't do it"	God says: You can do all things	(Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"	God says: I am able	(II Corinthians9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"	God says: It will be worth it	(Roman 8:28 )
You say: "I can't forgive myself"	God says: I Forgive you	I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1
You say: "I can't manage"	God says: I will supply all your needs	(Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"	God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear	(II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"	God says: Cast all your cares on ME	(I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I'm not smart enough"	God says: I give you wisdom	(I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone"	God says: I will never leave you or forsake you	(Hebrews 13:5)

This chart is tucked inside my daily devotional journal. Consider placing a copy of it where you would frequently see it, such as: the Bible, kitchen (for me), bathroom, computer, car, work, near calendar, etc. It is so easy for these thoughts to come up that it is good to have a handy reference to help deal with them as soon as possible. Then we can move on to more important things...

I have had to re-read these notes many times! Remembering to think on what is TRUE" and engraving these precepts on my heart.

Hope you have enjoyed this series on "Stinkin Thinkin!. :)

"Stinkin Thinkin!" - Part 3

(Post continued...)

In the next posting I will show a chart that I think will really help and encourage you, as it was for me.

"Thinking on what is TRUE"...

"I know that years ago a chart very similar to this one helped me SOOOO much! Each time I was tempted to think, ponder, and roll around in that wrong thinking...I could go to this chart and expose the wrong, untrue thought and choose to replace it with the right, biblical thought from God's Word.

This dramatically began to change my life! And it helped me to fear less, worry less, and trust more! I began to have much more peace and rest in my heart. This is the "quiet peaceable spirit" that God is talking about which is of GREAT worth in his sight in 1 Peter 3 when he talks with women. We can have that peace and rest as we learn to take our wrong, sinful thoughts captive. And replace it with God's truth. Each time the wrong thinking or fear "bubbles" up in our thoughts and heart, we need to turn to the Lord and to his truth.

If that means every 5 min. at times...then it means every 5 min. If we turn to Jesus each time we feel that “bubbling” of fear and worry come, or each time we feel discouraged and hopeless then the Lord will be so very faithful to give us grace, and mercy, help and hope! As we turn to him and look to him, we are reminded of where our help truly comes from. We remember how very dependent we are upon him. And as we CHOOSE to trust the Lord, and walk out his leading in our lives…we will begin to see how pleasant his way is!

Proverbs 2:10-11 says “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”

As we spend time EVERY day getting to know God and his character we will come to know that we can trust him and love him and we will be learning how VERY much he loves us! His love will become a reality in our lives as we die to self and live for Christ. James 1:22-25

As we spend time every day in His Word and praying and looking to him often...we will begin to allow the Lord to write his truth upon our hearts and minds and as we abide (drawing closer and closer to Jesus) we will begin to experience the fruits of his Spirit in our lives....love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Gal. 5:22

If you don't feel you have joy in your life, or self-control...spend more time with Jesus and in His Word…not as something rote we do, just to check it off our list or just to gain knowledge…but instead, as part of our desire to have an intimate relationship with Christ. I guarantee it will make a HUGE difference in your heart and life...especially as you begin to count it important to remember his truth and to obey it, by his grace and through his understanding.

I know it was so hard for me to understand so much of what I read in God’s Word in the beginning...but as I tried to concentrate and focus on the things I did understand that I read in God's Word and as I tried to apply those things...the Lord allowed my understanding and wisdom to grow and grow over the 24 years I’ve been reading it each day. I still have far to go…but I’m sooo thankful for what the Lord has done in my life and I have been sooo blessed to have God’s Word in my heart and mind to act as a sort of “filter” that everything I’ve read, heard and seen is filtered through his truth.

The more you read, the more you will begin to understand more and more of God’s Word and you will have more and more “light” or wisdom and discernment from what you're reading.

Like a Polaroid picture coming slowly into focus, so it is with God's Word and with his principles...we grow in our understanding if we don't quit or grow weary and give up and quit reading. We need to persevere and continue to spend time with Jesus each day praying and reading his Word, and he will continue to reveal Himself and his truth to us."

(Chart to follow in next post...)

*from Linda - Keeper's of the Home Group

"Stinkin Thinkin!" - Part 2

(Posting continued...)

"Thinking on what is TRUE"...

We need to learn how to fight the battle, and to take captive our thoughts. The more we fight, the better we get at it! It is a real, true battle! And battles are not pretty!

Often in the beginning we will feel beat up and plagued with our wrong thinking and this wrong thinking so affects our attitudes and our actions and this causes a lot of drama and undesirable consequences in our lives. If we continue to allow ourselves to think on what is NOT true…we will become more and more depressed and discouraged, frustrated, hopeless etc.

Allowing ourselves to think and react to the wrong thinking, begins a “domino” effect upon our lives:

~our emotions are affected

~our joy is affected

~our energy is affected

~our maturity is affected

~our marriage is affected

~our children are affected by it

~and so are our other relationships

Satan has come to steal, kill and destroy us and our relationship with the Lord. One of his best tools is to just get us to focus on what is not true. To become so entrenched in our wrong, sinful thinking. Because he knows how this can so disable us and make us ineffective and unproductive in Christ!

More postings to follow...

:)

"Stinkin Thinkin!" Part 1

Hello Everyone...

In these next 4 postings, I will be sharing a chart that one of the mom's in our mentoring group emailed to me and what she had to share on "Thinking on what is TRUE". When wrong thoughts muddle our thoughts and effect our lives. One of my greatest struggles in my life has been with WRONG thinking...some women call it "stinkin thinkin!" This chart and notes have been teaching me to think on what is right, true, and biblical. I hope that it helps and encourages each of you:

As a man thinks...so he is, the Bible says.

What we think SO affects our actions and attitudes! If I think “I can’t do this!” Then I am setting myself up to fail. I will become more and more discouraged. I am choosing to put my hope in…me. And not in the Lord. Often when I am frustrated I am choosing to look too far ahead and this is not reality. We cannot possibly see ALL that the Lord will continue to do in us and in our lives and family…doing today what God shows me and leads me to do, will GREATLY help tomorrow to be much better!

So, instead of allowing the wrong, unbiblical thought of “I can’t do this!” to take me captive….

~I can choose to allow God’s grace to be sufficient.

~I can remember that ALL things are possible with God.

~I can choose to rest in God and put my faith in hope in HIM and ALL he can do!

~I can remember that he WILL direct my steps as I faithfully look to him.

That while WE’RE not able…
~GOD is able to do ALL things!

~That laying down our will to do God’s WILL be worth it!

~That HIS will is what we would always want if we had all the facts.

~That God will supply ALL our needs.

~That he will give us wisdom.

~And that He will never leave us or forsake us.

When I take the time to think on what is really true…it gives me hope, and it helps me to choose to put my faith in God, instead of fearing and worrying (which do nothing and bring no good). Faith and perseverance is profitable and produces in us spiritual maturity.

So...if we can allow the Lord and his Word to change our thoughts, and to transform our thinking with real truth…HIS truth, from his Word, we will begin to think on what is right, good and true! As we look to the Holy Spirit for understanding as we read we will gain understanding...

More postings to follow...

:)

Putting it into action

Dear friends:

The following is an excerpt of an email received from my mentor, Lori. The timing of this letter goes so well with my last post on being in devotions, that I wanted to be sure to share this with you. Hope you enjoy it.


A quote from Charles Swindoll:

"Let me mention one more 'cheap substitute' so common among Christian wives in our day. It is learning about what's right rather than doing what is right... It has been my observation that a large percentage of Christian wives know more--much more--than what they put into practice. And yet, they are continually interested in attending another class, taking another course, reading another book, going to another seminar...learning, discussing, studying, discovering...and what results? Normally, greater guilt. Or, on the other side, an enormous backlog of theoretical data that blinds and thickens the conscience rather than spurs it into action. Learning more truth is a poor and cheap substitute for stopping and putting into action the truth already learned."

God's Word has much to say on this but here are just a couple of verses on the topic....

James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and , after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it ~ he will be blessed in what he does."

We are not to deceive ourselves into thinking that hearing or reading or being taught or writing the Word or posting the Word up in our homes, is enough.....God says if we stop here, we deceive ourselves! He tells us to "DO WHAT IT SAYS!"

He tells us to not forget the truth of God's Word and His Ways that we've been taugtt (by the Holy Spirit, by God's Word, by the pastor, by our Bible study teachers) not forgetting what we've heard....BUT DOING IT!
Then we will be blessed in what we do!!! :)

Many of us want to be blessed by what we do...
but if we are NOT DOING what Jesus tells us to...
we will not receive the blessings that we could be!

Often we are frustrated by things not going well in our lives and by the struggles we face....but as we DO WHAT IT (God's Word) SAYS....
we will be blessed in what we do! :)

Luke 7:46-48 "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When the flood came,the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built."

I know there were times in all of our lives when wisdom was shared with us, but we didn't do what we were told to do....and then when the consequences come we call for help! God says why won't you do what you should?

He wants us to:

1. Come to Him! To pray, to look to Him, to see our need, to draw close to Him.

2. Hear his Word. To be in his Word daily, to hear his Word taught, preached, spoken, and to remember it...not forgetting it, but meditating upon it...thinking about it...stopping and really seeking to truly HEAR it and remember it!

But the final step is sooooo important and one we usually have the most problem with....

3. Put it into practice!
We need to come to Jesus, to see our need for him, to realize we need his wisdom and truth and help and salvation!

Then we need to read his Word and listen as it is taught truthfully and well and be encouraged by it....but we also need to put it into practice...walking it out much like a toddler learning to walk! We will fail and fall many times...but just like a toddler, we will learn to walk in the Lord's ways as we keep getting up and practicing again and again and again what the Lord is telling us to do! :)

This is as much a reminder for me as for anyone else! :) I know that one word has helped me sooo much to keep in mind what I should be doing each morning when God's mercies are new...and I meet with him.

The one word that has helped me so much is the word "purpose!" I seek to purpose each day to do what the Lord is showing me and encouraging me to do...what his Word tells me to do and what the Holy Spirit is leading me to do.

Phil. 3:12-14 says it best....

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Oh, that we would be godly women that are not only hearers....but doers!

That each day, we would "forget" what is behind (God's grace is sufficient to cover the mistakes and sins of yesterday as we humble ourselves before him) and instead PRESS ON, STRAINING toward what is ahead...putting into practice the truth that the Lord has given us as we COME to him, and HEAR his Word....may we also be faithful in his grace to PRACTICE obeying what he has given us! :)

Hope this was an encouragement and blessing to you today!

Mentoring Moment # 4 - The Final

Here is the last of the 4 letters that I will be sharing with you for this series of Mentoring Moments. **Please be sure to scroll down to the beginning, as it would be such a blessing - the first post in this series - so you can have a much better understanding of this entire process**

I was so encouraged to receive this letter from Lori. For sure, I have by no means "arrived" - and have it all together. Just allowing the Lord to lead in my life. The rewards are great. I have also learned through this, to not be ashamed or embarrassed for my struggles, but to give praise for what HE is doing in my life and in others. Thanks for walking through this personal glimpse into the window of my life.

This is the last letter sent from Lori, to me regarding the testimony that I had previously shared with her:

Dear Lisa:

Thank you for sharing, this sweet, sweet testimony! I am soooo proud of you!!! :) And I have definately been where you have been! I too had the piles of stuff for all the catagories, and I have definately taken up offense when my sweet honny just tried to help me. He could see that I was drowning and that it was not fun for the kids and I...but just as you said, when he tried to help me then my pride and ungratefulness showed up and wrong thinking was causing me to take offense! My poor guy! :)

I am sooo proud of you and so grateful that you have a completely caught up, neat, clean laundry room! YEAH!!!! Now it will be such a snap to keep it up! If you can do a load a day or two loads a day and just sort it each day (either in the morning or afternoon when children come home) then everyone sits down and immediately folds it and puts it away! yeah!!!

I'm with you...I know it made a huge difference for me to go through the children's closet and drawers. It takes about 1 hour per child if you go fast. And it does get easier and easier to let it all go! It begins to feel like you're coming out of some kind of shackel or something! :) It is very freeing!

Your honny bringing you a drink is sooo precious! Aren't our husbands so awesome?!

And don't you love the truth, that sets us free? We will NEVER regret doing God's will in our lives! We will never miss not having more stuff...we will never be regretful for having trusted God and do what is right.

I'm soooo proud of you! And, I wondered if I could share your testimony with the group....I would be glad to do so anonymously. I only say this as it is sooo helpful to hear real, live testimony from other women who are learning these lessons and seeing the Lord faithfulness in their marriage and in their lives. I LOVED this testimony. You have been humble, honoring to both God and your husband and you share truth in love. I know it would bless others sooooo much! Again, if you would rather not that is fine...no pressure. But I just know from my own life when I share testimony of what the Lord has shown me or done in my life....it helps it "sink" into my heart and mind, it brings God glory and it helps encourage and motivate others.

I am rejoicing with you, Lisa! Praise be to the Lord for his faithfulness to us and his GREAT love for us!

God bless you!

Love,

Lori

Mentoring Moment #3 - The Testimony

Dear friends,

**Please read the previous two posts, which explain this letter. It is so worth your time to read the entire story of Mentoring Moments** You will be blessed!

Here is the next letter written back to my mentor, Lori G., in response to a day I had that so very much went with the theme of her previous letter on Organization and Parenting.

Here's the story:


Dear Lori,

I am so glad to be able to send you an email. That is, because our keyboard broke and we had to wait to get a new one. I wanted to send you a thank you for the wonderful letter you sent in response to my question of dealing with clothing.

It truly came "at the right time".

I had a humbling day on Saturday!

You see we have been trying to get the house in order, for ourselves and for some consecutive weekend visits from out of town friends and family.

We have a basement that is divided into a guest room & bonus area, and then the other half is the laundry room/storage area. In the laundry room, I had 2 tables filled with clothing and miscellaneous, that I had intentions to take care of. Things I "thought" were important to keep. Like clothing & toys that kids had grown out of, clothing that was given to me that was not put away or not sorted yet, some I was going to use for a future garage sale, or give away on Freecycle, or give to family, etc.

Well, my husband came up the stairs and calmly said, "I think the laundry room needs to be cleared out. Those things on the table need to be bagged up or gotten rid of". You'd think he had just killed my dog. I had taken such an offense. Incorrect thoughts came into my head like: "He thinks it is all junk, he doesn't want me to do a garage sale, doesn't think I can handle it, we have better things to do, doesn't he know that I am going to get to it at some point"

So I begrudgingly, went downstairs and started to work on it. My husband was right there helping me with it. Taking boxes out, emptying garbage, and putting things away. As I started to go through it. I "let go" of the Garage Sale Idea as I saw that so much of it was not that great of quality or worth as I had originally thought it to be. Even some things from the last garage sale that hadn't sold. We ended up filling my husbands truck bed with "things" to donate.

Throughout this afternoon, my husband took it upon himself to see through all the laundry that had piled up - all the way to the last load. Now, the tables are clear, on top, and underneath. The storage area is cleared out and organized.

So now, when we go to the basement to do laundry, we are not "hit" with ALL THAT HAS TO BE DONE. It is clear, clean, and laundry is more of a joy to do.

Of course these thoughts are in retrospect.

When we had finished, I checked my in-box and read your email on Parenting/Organization. I was so convicted of my bad attitude. My "fleshing out". How much value I placed on "things". That I wasn't trusting God for our future - to provide monetarily and physically. I wasn't being as good of a steward of those things that I had originally thought myself to be. That I was soooo very blessed with a kind, patient and wise husband.

Tears of foolishness trickled down my cheeks as I finished reading your email. Then just a few minutes after that my husband came home with my favorite Sonic Drive-thru drink. I did not deserve it - that is for sure. So I made sure to apologize for my behavior and thanked him for all that he had done that day for us and the special gift it was.

Lori, thank you so much for being used by God in my life.

With a grateful heart,
Lisa H.

P.S.
I don't miss one thing that we took out of the basement that day! And I am starting to go through the kids drawers and clear everything out - down to the necessities - now that the drawers are filled to the rim with clean clothes. I am embarrassed to share all that I have, but grateful that you completely understand.